Anybody Miss Me?

 

 

 

 

 

(from the voice of Sassy)

Anybody miss me? I’ve been gone for a while and mom hasn’t been interested in sharing the computer with me. She used to be so much fun, but now she won’t let me walk across the computer keys or walk across her desk.

What have you been up to lately? Tell me, I’m wanting to hear gossip.

The Vet Bill

 

 

 

 

 

 

(from the voice of Spencer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

(and from the voice of Sassy)

 

 

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the

table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, your pet has passed away.”

 

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure? “Yes, I’m sure. The duck is dead,” he replied. “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its peak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

 

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely 100% certifiably, a dead duck,” Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

 

The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?” The vet shrugged. “I’m sorry. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up.”

Guess who came back?

 

 

 

 

 

(from the voice of Sassy the cat)

That darn bird from last year is back and everytime I go out the front door he dive bombs for me and I have yet to catch him. He must be protecting another nest again and sits on the roof of the houses and watches for trouble.

One of these days he’ll be sorry and I won’t have to eat cat food for dinner.

Dog for Sale on e-bay

 

(from the voice of Sassy)

I got even for those dogs barking at me, I had a friend over and we got into some trouble on the computer.

Although, I’m not telling which dog I sold, you’ll just have to guess.

 

Return to normal Monday!

 

 

(from the voice of Sassy)

It’s Monday morning, yeah! The family returned to their normal schedule today and I get the entire house to myself all day.

 

Sassy aka Rambo Kitty

I am strong kitty, I show no mercy. Come near my porch and I’ll show you whose the boss.  A male cat came on my porch last night and meowed at me, how dare he, the front door was open as it was a warm night in the valley and I was sitting on the other side of the closed screen door, and he thought I would submissively bow down to him. What he doesn’t know is I already kicked one male cat of the porch. I meowed at mom to open the door, she thought that I wanted to play with him. As soon as she let me out I hissed at the cat and chased him across the driveway. As he jumped into the bushes I jumped right on his back. That was all the motivation he needed to leave the neighborhood, hopefully to never come back.

 

 

 

Attitude Adjustment

(from the voice of Sassy the cat)

Mom said that I needed an attitude adjustment because I was becoming to sassy on this blog and she wanted me to be a nice kitty. So, I’ll try to adjust my attitude, 1,2,3. . .  Okay, it’s not working for me. I’m back! Did you miss me? Well, I missed me even if you didn’t.

 I don’t like therapy like that, maybe, it’s mom who needs the attitude adjustment. I think I’m doing just fine. You tell me, if you like my attitude leave me a comment and tell me. If you don’t like my attitude then go away I don’t like you either.  You probably don’t have a good lap for sitting in anyway.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

(from the voice of Sassy)

I blew my curfew last night and stayed out all night. It’s been a long time since I had an adventure. I could hear mom calling me at 11 p.m., but I had no intention of spending another night in the garage. I was already walking through the neighborhood, feeling confident that I wouldn’t be harassed by any of those bad boy cats. Since, I was spayed I don’t have to worry about date rape anymore.

Normally, every night I return from whatever adventure I’ve had shortly after 11 p.m. Most nights, though, I just end up sitting on top of the mailbox at the end of the driveway until mom opens the door to let me in. The mailbox is flat like Snoopy’s doghouse in the Adventures of Charlie Brown.

Here’s a timeline of my adventure;

11:00 – 1:00 a.m.
I took off walking in the cool night air and walked and walked and got some much needed exercise. It seems I’m getting too fat to squeeze through small spaces.

1:00 – 3:00 a.m.
The night creatures came out, and had to hide in the bushes from a possum, I did’t want to mess with that one, it wasbig and ugly. I heard coyotes off in the distance howling or was it the dogs that I live with? When Spencer and Tasha start that howling upon hearing ambulance sirens they can make enough noise to wake the dead. Had the most fun at the farm when I woke up the sleeping animals. The farm is about a mile from the house.  I gave a good scare to that old Tom Turkey and some of those hens. Oh! They had their wings flapping and were running all over their pen and I just sat out side the pen, there’s no way I could have gotten in, since it’s pretty secure, but those dumb fowl didn’t know that. I didn’t eat any of them as I didn’t have the craving for wild bird at that moment. 

3:00 – 5:00 a.m.
Met up with some of the old girls in the neighborhood and got to hear the local gossip about who is dating whom now.  These girls just keep having one litter of kittens after another. I feel sorry for them, as I have so much freedom now.

5:00 – 5:30 a.m.
It got really cold at this hour and I found myself suddenly tired so I slept for a while in the bushes.

5:30 – 6:00 a.m.
I was sick of being outside all these hours and sleeping in the bushes wasn’t as comfortable as sleeping in my bed in the garage and having my food waiting for me.

6:00 – 7:00 a.m.
I meowed for an hour outside mom’s window before she let me in the house. That woman sleeps like a rock, finally, she let me in the house and I went straight to my bed in the garage. I think I’ve had enough of staying out all hours.

Good Night All, think I will sleep till the sun goes down.

Mutiny Aboard This Blog

 

(from the voice of Sassy) 

Mom added a whole list of dog sites to the blog. Go on, go look if you have to, but then come back cause I’m not finished  ranting.  This is just as mean as naming this blog Dogs Rule Cats Drool when it should have been Cats Rule Dogs Drool. Dogs, I’m surrounded by those filthy dogs Tasha and Spencer, always barking and trying to chase me out of the house. 

That’s it, I propose mutiny aboard this blog. I want my own blog, and I’ll name it S is for Sassy or P for Princess, I can’t decide. Yeah, that’s right whose drooling now?

Change is in the Wind

 

(from the voice of Sassy)

Mom did it again. She cleaned out my home, the garage, and moved everything thing around and threw things away. Now my water and food dishes are in different spots and the little spot that I slept in has been covered up with boxes. Now I have to find a new spot among all the boxes.  I am not a kitty that likes change.